Time Lapse Lifeline
by HollyJane
Summary: Bella's progress, or lack there of. Angst. One-shot.


**Time Lapse Lifeline**

_Disclaimer: I disclaim the Twilight Saga, all rights reserved to Miss SM._

* * *

_I'm keeping up, keeping up with the time lapse lifeline_

_And they can run, they can run from the farm to the last ride_

_And we can hear, we can hear the first beat to the flat line_

_I'm keeping up, keeping up with the time lapse lifeline_

_And once it's done_

There was something wrong with the way she went about things. It was the simple, little things that gave her away, like the way she stared off out the kitchen window as if she were searching for something or perhaps _someone_, or the way she would leave the room if a simple notion of affection was shared like a hug or a kiss exchanged between friends or lovers. It was the spark of light that was missing from the young girl's soul; it was the monotone of her voice and the robotic way she moved.

Anyone could notice these things if they cared to pay attention — her father in particular who became more increasingly concerned as the months still passed with no signs of improvement. He figured with time she would go back to normal; how wrong he was. He still waited patiently anyway, hoping that maybe one day she would bound down the steps with that anxious, excited look in her eye's she had when he — _that boy _— was present in her life. Each and every day disappointment would dawn on him.

_Oh, we dreamed a life_

_It was just like that, was just like that_

_And just like that, and just like that_

_It's done_

The girl noticed this. She noticed the way her father would turn expectantly as she showed up for breakfast — only to see his face fall. It hurt to watch; she knew she was the reason for his ill mood these days but she couldn't find the heart to bring herself up from the gloom she basked in. She felt like she deserved the pain, for everything she had to make her poor father — not to mention her worried sick mother — endure.

_But hadn't they ever been truly, madly in love? _She argued with herself. How could they expect her to just get over this, get over _him_? It made her sick to her stomach when she thought about how they hoped she would just to pick up the broken pieces like they weren't shattered into shards, ones that were sharp and stung too much to hold for too long for them to heal. It was just impossible. She couldn't fix herself like they expected her to, and she hated herself for it.

_Back it up, back it up_

_Stop, fast-forward, rewind_

_And watch the sun, watch the moon taking turns in the same sky_

_And you were dead as the leaves, now you're new like the springtime_

_Back it up, back it up_

_Stop, fast-forward, rewind_

_And once it's done… _

And even when her parents regretted everything he'd left her with — the broken heart, the shattered pieces — she could never bring herself to regret one last kiss, one last touch, or one last time she told him she loved him. She would trade a life time of pain for just one more night with him; just one last time she could look into golden eyes and be sure he loved her too.

After all, she had been so sure he was the one. He was her future — she saw her life with him; she'd put it in his hands. She planned to be with him just like he devoted himself to her however fleetingly that lasted. She had decided it was worth all of the pain, worth all of the time she'd spent in his arms; it was worth every last moment. She saw the life, the love, the hope in his eyes when they looked at each other. He couldn't feign a love like that, nor could she; it was a love that could compare to spring — it blossomed and kept blossoming, it didn't have an end. But somehow, some way, he found autumn; the light in his eyes faded; the cold of autumn set in.

_Oh, we dreamed a life_

_It was just like that, was just like that_

_And just like that, and just like that_

_It's done _

_Oh, we dreamed a life_

_It was just like that, was just like that_

_And just like that, and just like that_

_It's done _

She waited for months but still, there was no sign of return. She waited at her window for hours, always looked towards the empty lunch table, never failed to hope to wake up in stone cold arms. She hadn't shed a tear in ages it seemed; all of her emotion had disappeared along with him. She decided that if _He _was going to take away her love, He might as well take away the rest of her.

She still didn't understand how this could have happened to her. It felt like just yesterday he was standing in her kitchen, laughing at her cooking skills. Or how his cold touch had a knack for warming her world. Was it really possible to love someone so much, then just leave without a second thought? He was there with her, she felt him. When she thought about him, he felt so close. But when she stopped her senseless day-dreaming, he was just too far away.

_Still, we stand with the help of a steady hand _

_Capture images of boy and man _

_Until it's done_

_And seven years combined is just the flicker of a neon sign_

_Little negatives of hopes refined_

_Until they're done, oh they're done_

She truly didn't know where she would be without the help of her close friend. He was kind, gentle, understanding. He had a smile that could light up La Push, if not all of Washington. His warmth radiated for miles, and he didn't have to be touching her to make her feel bright where as if he weren't around, she would feel cold... _Alone_.

Of course, there was always the negatives. He didn't really know how to take no for an answer, and she knew he expected more than friendship, _over time. _But she just couldn't offer anything more than what she gave and most importantly she could never give him what he wanted, and eventually he would push her away for that. He promised her he'd give her time and would never pester her about it, but the way he looked at her was a constant reminder she wouldn't be able to look at him that way, or anyone else for that matter. She started hating herself for it.

She hated that she couldn't move on, if not for her parents sake but for Jacob. She still couldn't do it, no matter how much she loved Jacob. But never would she love him the way he wanted her to. She just _couldn't. _

_Oh, we dreamed a life_

_It was just like that, was just like that_

_And just like that, and just like that _

_It's done _

The nightmares still came, for months and months. Even after Jacob had made her basically whole again, had been able to put a smile back on her face. They were always the same. It was green, dark, _lonely_. She was searching for something, but she never knew what she was looking for. She would wake then, understanding she didn't have anything to look for, and it seemed to rip her apart.

_Oh, we dreamed a life_

_It was just like that, was just like that_

_And just like that, and just like that_

It's done...

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About this one, the song is _Time Lapse Lifeline_ by Maria Taylor.

- Pity me if I got the lyrics wrong, I wrote them out on my own. I searched them on google, but they varied depending on the site.. So I just wrote what I thought they were. Tell me if I'm wrong. Oh, and the chorus "oh, we dreamed a life, it was just like that..." and so on had 3 verses at the end, but I cut one out to keep it short.

- I actually listened to this song when I was writing it, so I would get into the angsty kind of mood. Haha :)

- Umm, other than that, check out the song, it's really great. My friend recommended it to me. **Oh, and please don't forget to review.**


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